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Is Dwight trying to seduce me?
Race car driver suit. Unocal hat. Dwight. Cons.
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Dammit Ebay, why do you always have the best thing?
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Speaking of NASCAR and car design… Here is the first image of the 2013 Ford Fusion CUP car in team colors. This is a full scale clay model that will tour the country, visiting select NASCAR markets for the remainder of the 2012 season. I like a lot of things about this (versus the current car) but there are the glaring irregularities between this and the production model available to the public. (I don’t know why they still insist on calling it STOCK CAR racing). All in all, It’s a step in the right direction.
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I experienced a near knee-buckling feeling last year when I happened upon Bill’s 1985 Winston Million car at Darlington. I nerded out, all alone in that museum for way too long.
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Oh my shittles. My favorite stock car of all time is for sale on Ebay. $59,900 takes it home. OH. MY. SHITTLES. 1988 Bill Elliott/Melling Racing Coors Ford Thunderbird. This is THE Aerobird. This car was built in Dawsonville, Ga by Dan & Ernie Elliott. It baffled NASCAR techs. The Aerobird AVERAGED 212.809mph around Talladega speedway. ON BIAS PLY TIRES. Those tires are so archaic they don’t even make them anymore! Bill was lifting the throttle at the biggest track on the circuit. This car was fully capable of going 230+mph twenty-five years ago. This car was so ahead of its time. NASCAR tried to outlaw every facet of this car without bluntly outlawing the car itself but the Elliott brothers stayed one step ahead of them each week, eventually taking home the championship at season’s end. Now it is for sale! It’s not a roller like most of these old cars, it has a dyno’d Ernie Elliott engine under the hood. Oh my god, what I would give to take this for a spin down Prince Avenue. You know what? I would give a testicle. I swear to God. I wouldn’t even do anesthesia. I’m that serious.
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It pays to act like you know what your doing. I walked through three security check points and got onto pit road. Drivers, owners and politicians were walking around. The South Carolina Tea Party Governor Nikki Haley was there. I ran into Len Wood. This was kind of a big deal. I post a lot of stuff about the #21 team on my tumblr. Len started that team with his brothers back in the ’40s. He’s a NASCAR Hall of Fame Member and the owner of my favorite team. He was super polite and offered to take a picture with me. I walked the track before the race and it was really neat. I snapped this pic of me at the start/finish line and my phone battery died.
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Leaving for Darlington in a few hours. I’m so excited I’m shaking! I’ll be sitting on the start/finish line for the Nationwide race tomorrow night (ESPN2, 7:15pm). I’ll be standing on the track with the drivers for driver intros Saturday night (FOX, 6:30pm) and sitting at the start/finish line again for the CUP race. I’m thrilled! THRILLED! This is my favorite track on the circuit. It’s my first CUP race at Darlington. 11 year old me is totally jealous right now. Weeeeeeeeeeee!
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Oh gosh y’all. The internet is stupid.
I don’t have anyone to talk NASCAR with so I talk about it on the internet. In forums. I know I know. Internet forums are often the worst place to carry on a decent discussion. This specific forum is mostly old white dudes. They have a lot of wisdom and great old stories about the way stock car racing used to be. Many of them were drivers, crew members, track officials, etc.
Anyway, they seem to collectively have a big grief with Danica Patrick. If you aren’t familiar, she’s this superstar female driver who has major financial backing via GoDaddy.com (they have their own issues with women, that’s a totally different post). Anyway, Danica grew tired of Open Wheel Racing (Indy Car). She wanted to try her hand at stock car racing. Her sponsors agreed to support her efforts. She called friends and business partners and set this thing up. 2012 is her first year driving stock cars full-time. She’s a rookie in a series with different rules, tracks, handling characteristics and physics than her old racing series. She’s learning. She’s not perfect. She’s confident, calm, collected and focused. She’s not a good ‘ol boy style southern country gal. She’s all business at the track. Anyway, these guys (and a lot of drivers) are intimidated by her presence. They bite and chew at her in the garage, in media outlets, and on track. She is facing LONG odds to succeed because no one will be her ally (besides her race team). It’s really dumb to see someone who is trying to achieve their dream coming so close to that realization only to be belittled for her efforts by her professional colleagues. So anyway, I blew up on those dudes. It’s been two years coming and I finally had enough today. Dear lady followers, please tell me if I did the right thing, tell me where I am wrong/skewed/ ignorant/whatever. Help me be a better person :)
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This is pretty much the review for every available hotel room within an hour of the race track. The rate for this specific room is $140. Local hotels are $185+ a night for the race weekend. Sleeping in my truck is fine with me as long as I can park somewhere safe.
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Sometimes I wonder why I surround myself with 60,000 of these people at a time BUT I LOVE THEM! THEIR PASSION AND THEIR MINDS ARE GREAT. But still, I can’t talk logic or sense or the physics of the sport with most of these guys. Sometimes a dude will be next to me all yelling “Awe hell naw, why didn’t Junior get up under him that time?” I’m all like “Do you understand where the apex is in this 1,200 foot, 180 degree turn, Man? That’s a 25° angle, DUDE!” And drunk #1 (insert driver here) fan is always “WTF did you just say to me?”
If I find myself alone at the track, I buddy up with the calm old dudes because I KNOW that THEY KNOW. I spent an entire afternoon/evening last year talking with an old dude who grew up picking cotton on his family farm a mile north of Darlington. He couldn’t believe the knowledge I was spitting out at him. We had a great time talking about long gone drivers, cars and tracks from the forgotten era before the big money corporations and TV contracts invaded the sport.
Sometimes I think I know more than anyone else about this sport. I know that isn’t true. The sports media is mostly comprised of people who started watching the sport during the millennial boom years when Jeff Gordon was rewriting the history books. It’s like that scene from Almost Famous where Lester Bangs is all “you know your writing is damn good. It’s just a shame you missed out on rock’n roll. It’s over. You got here in time for the death rattle, the last gasp, the last grope.” That’s how I feel about the modern writers who follow the sport.
Epiphany: I AM THE LESTER BANGS OF NASCAR.
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Poor Sam Hornish. Danica Patrick won’t take shit off anyone. Sam’s tire went down and he accidentally ran Danica into the wall coming to the stripe. Danica punted Sam into the wall after the finish. As Bill Elliott would say “That’s just one of them racing deals, you know?”
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Stomach hurts after seeing this happen. Eric McClure was cut out of the car and life-flighted to a hospital on Birmingham. Very nasty hit and doubly scary after reading race car driver autopsy reports about these kinds of accidents.
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Ebay always has the right stuff. Hi there 1991 Bill Elliott “Georgia State Bird” team Coors jacket. Oh hey 1992 Bill Elliott Budweiser flag. If I had a camper trailer that would be my driving jacket and I would hang that flag above my camper with pride.
true stories:
That blue car won the first stock car race I attended. Daytona ‘91.
That red car won the second stock car race I attended. Atlanta ‘92.
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I took a ton of pictures at the truck race last year and made a lot of nerdy posts about my first visit to Darlington. I’ll spare you this year. I made some super freakout videos while I was there but the public will never see them because I’m acting like a hyperventilating nine year old with a $100 bill in Toys R Us.
My posts from 2011:
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That right thur is my pre-race pass for driver introductions, my Nationwide Series race ticket for Friday and my CUP series race ticket for the Southern 500 Saturday night. I’ll be standing ON the race track for driver intros, high-fiving Jeff Gordon, Dale Earnhardt Jr. and all the other drivers as they make their way onto the track. I am thrilled. to. bits. I’ve been quiet about racing this year because the season is rather ho-hum. The Daytona 500 was such an embarrassing thing to witness. Anyway, the Southern 500 is sure to thrill. I need to find an air mattress to make my pickup bed a real bed. I’ll be sleeping there for two nights in a field.
((positive vibes))
